Late Nights

Tonight is promising to be one of those late nights. We (myself and the two little ones) have been at the in-laws for a day and a half, and are planning on going back to the ranch tomorrow. I haven't begun to pack yet, and just barely have things organized. Well, to be honest, I have a list. A list of things I need to remember to take back to the ranch, to be more specific. Unfortunately, said list is also on the same page as my list of things to remember to take TO the in-laws place (thankfully, crossed off). Said list also includes some items to look up on the internet as soon as I have the time (HAHAHA) on this less than 48-hour trip, as well as things to accomplish while I am here. Like completing our taxes. At least I can cross one thing off my list.

The dilemma I have at this point is: Do I succumb to my body saying it is dirt-tired after not sleeping last night (lack of husbands' presence and the cats sleeping on top of me so they would know instantly when I moves thereby being able to ask for petting at every twitch I made). Or do I try to stay up late and collect some of the items on my list, knowing that I don't really have a place to put them yet, and can't really pack the truck up just yet.

Plus, I just noticed that I *really* need to change out my NaBloPoMo icon for something less...dated. It only serves to remind me that I have way too much to do, and I really should focus on the details some time. I also need to order a bunch of seeds to plant, oh, last week. As well as pay some bills. Hard to do with the sketchy internet service we have out there, which amounts to using the little bit I get on my phone. It is a work in progress, for sure.

Speaking of a work in progress, we have running water! Well, *COLD* running water. The hot will take longer to figure out. Trying to hook up the gas to the stove (the stove top works, but the oven doesn't, Boo Hiss) is the next project. Then the electricity. Then maybe the internet. Then maybe the gas heat (by then it will be summer and irrelevant!).

Sigh. I am tired. I think I will just go to bed instead. OH! And one Mama pig had babies. Nine squiggly adorable little porkers. I'll got photos up soon (on that aforementioned list). Mama pig #2 is still holding out..

OK, I am really off to bed this time. Night all!

Feeling Good

I am feeling pretty good tonight. When I started writing blog posts for NaBloPoMo at the beginning of this month, I wasn't sure it was a good idea. In the past I have had a hard time finishing projects when I feel overwhelmed or stressed, and this last two years has seen my stress level in the stratosphere on a regular basis. I was honestly not sure I would be able to mentally and emotionally be able to do it and I wanted to avoid the massive guilt trips I would give myself. Somewhere in there, that tenacious part of me decided it would be good for me to at least have a small creative output, even if it was writing rather than art. Unfortunately, I did not do my sketchbook challenge much this month. I am sad about that. I did a sketch, but it never really got off the ground past that.

I DID, however, manage to write every day. Which I am proud of. I even managed to put my introverted self out there a little more and try to promote my blog. At this point I think I am going to continue a daily post. It will keep me going and maybe I can even start fitting a little art in there as well on a more regular basis! So congrats to me and all of you who made their goals come true.

Nothing Tonight

Last night I was a big fat loser and totally forgot to post. Oops. Oh well, I will try to make up for it soon.

Yup, I'm Tired

Truly, my eyes at least are tired. They have been hurting all day long, and I have no idea why. I must have scratched my left eye while I slept last night. It was hurting all day, and when I took the littles out to run a few errands, the sunlight nearly blinded me. I am going to read and go to bed soon. I don't feel like writing anything creative tonight. Good night, and maybe tomorrow I will have a creative flash and pen a truly magnificent post. Sleep well in the Blog-O-Sphere.

Bibliophilia

It is obvious in our household that we love books. Bookshelves line most walls in almost every room of the house. I draw the line at the bathroom, though. Paper and water mix too well to allow their presence in such a moist environment. Family photographs often have our heads cut through by the shelves that border our living spaces. We have several thousand, collected between us through a lifetime, yet it is still not enough. I have a huge "wish list" of books I would love to have someday. Not just books that I want to read, but old books that I grew up with. Like the set of hardbound "OZ" books I used to thumb through to stare at the pictures within. Or that old collection of "A Thousand and One Nights," or or a thousand other wonderful tomes I can think of.

Some of my earliest memories are of books. Our house was a close second to the local branch of our public library. So many books lined the walls that I am fairly certain they are sinking my parents old American Craftsman-style house into the ground. I have fond memories of reading comic books in the bathtub, and science fiction while hanging over the ends of the couch. I don't know if I was an early reader or not (my mother has forgotten my true childhood and replaced it with a more "perfect" one), but even my earliest memories are filled with books. The smell of the old pages fills my blood, and the feel of ancient cracked leather and dusty pages I can sense when I close my eyes. Some of my fondest places to visit have always been used bookstores (and hardware stores and art stores, oh and fabric stores, but those are different stories). I could sit on the floor for hours lost in another world, turning pages and oblivious to the rest of the world going by.

For all my love of books, in the last several years I haven't been able to read a tenth of the books I would like to for research much less for pleasure. It is a sad state of being, but I am slowly trying to remedy that. I have a few eBooks I am slowly reading through, as well as some "real" books and magazines I try to read a little bit of every now and then. I have tried to dutifully catalog all our books at LibraryThing, but I know I have probably missed a hundred or so. Every time we buy new books (or I receive them through PaperbackSwap, another awesome site,) I often forget to log them in. Someday I will get them all listed, and maybe some day I will have more of the books of my hearts desire. And maybe even someday I will have the leisure time to read to my hearts' content. Now, tell me about *your* earliest book memories, I would love to hear them....

Productivity Among Workers is Up

As the Princess of Procrastination, I have had a remarkably productive day. Surprisingly so considering my two kids are sick and I seem to be coming down with their cold. Blech.

It isn't even noon yet, and I have made an hours worth of phone calls that had been put off for at least a week. I have beans soaking for tomorrow lunch, duck and chicken necks simmering on the stove for broth to go in tomorrow beans, a few nasties removed from the fridge that couldn't be disposed of in a more efficient manner, and I am about to package up a few things to go in the post this week as soon as I feel well enough to drag my lazy ass out to the truck.

A good day for sure, so it probably won't last. But I will ride this wave for al long as it carries me. I may even try to get some more sketching done this afternoon, if I don't totally poop out. I think I will call it good to get today's blog post accomplished before midnight. What can I say, I am on a roll!

Off To Bed

My littlest is recovering from a cold, and it is BLOWING like crazy out there tonight. Another frustrating night of trying to watch the news while the kids go nuts. I think it is time to re-think the evening routine, since we are all ending up pretty frustrated on a regular basis. Probably didn't help that we were out all day too, and so had to do evening chores late. Sigh. Just noticed that I have managed to at least write here (even though it has been sporadic!) for over a year now. Yay me!! Night all. Hopefully more interesting things to talk about tomorrow.

Too Little, But Not Too Late

Not much to say tonight. My son isn't feeling well. I am doing some online comparison shopping for tattoo machines (!!). Baked another pumpkin for pies tomorrow. Fun Times.

I Must Be Crazy

I know, it is a long-standing joke, at least to myself, that I must be crazy already. I haven't blogged (except in my head, and that doesn't really count) for several months. Granted, we have been busy, but I am sure I could have made time somewhere. My creative soul needs to be fed, even if it is through writing instead of my preferred method of the visual arts (or even dance, which I LOVE but just can't manage to do right now). One venue I have been thinking about for a few months is trying NaNoWriMo this year. If you haven't heard of it, look HERE. I don't know that I feel the need to write a novel, per se, but I do feel the need to tell my own story, and the story of my family history in some way.

Being November 1, and the first day of NaNoWriMo, I am still feeling conflicted about it. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Gah! Or maybe I will do THIS instead....

And I really, really, really want to do THIS!! for November too.

Now all I have to do is figure out how to get this nifty little bagde widget to actually appear where I want it to. This platform is really counter-intuitive to me.

Frustration

At any single point in my day, I often have three or four blog posts running through my head. You would think that with all that brain activity going on, I would actually post more often. Yet I don't. Why? I suppose a certain amount of procrastination, combined with bad timing and probably a bit of laziness too. Plus, a certain amount of not wanting to put words out there that I don't want existing on the interwebs for all time.

I think the frustration for me comes from the procrastination and bad timing most of all. I have been trying to figure out for some time now, why exactly I put things off until the last minute. Any number of tasks I could accomplish in the day. However they often escape me, and I am left with the maddening feeling that I COULD have accomplished something today if only I had the time to. Frustrating, isn't it. I know that having two highly active little people in my life means that I actually get far less done than I would have before having children. I am ok with that. I would just like to figure out how to beat this putting off until another day aspect of it all.....

Thoughts

     The ashes of my fire consumed
  Wasting as I wait
          For something I can only smell
   At the back of my throat
                       Like a long lost child
I search with clouds of thread
          Wanting to remember the taste

Insomnia

When I was growing up, my mother used to have terrible insomnia. She would spend hours in the kindle of he journal awake, but she made good use of her time at least. We would often wake to freshly baked cobblers, cinnamon rolls, or tarts for breakfast, or bread just coming out of Tue oven to be gathered would a thick helping of butter and homemade jam. You could say that baking has pervaded my senses from a very young age, as the scents intertwined their way through my dreams as well as spirit. I have fond memories of waking up to these scents from the oven of my childhood. When she wasn't baking, she painted, drew, or worked metal; whatever medium she happened to be involved in at the moment. I suppose it was how she dealt with being unable to quiet her mind when most others were ensconced in slumber.

I rarely knew what it was like (the inability to sleep when every other signal around me said I should be) until I had children. As is often the case with the young or college bound, I stretched my wakeful hours into those nocturnal times readily; paying for it the following evening when the wall of sleep would hit me head on. Little did I understand the restlessness and frustration I would encounter when I didn't have the goal of a paper to finish or a game among friends to greet the sun with.

I first brushed up against this wakefulness when I was pregnant with my daughter. My belly round, I lay in bed thinking of who she would be, and how to be a good parent to her. The books and websites I read all said to treat insomnia as a sick child: stay in bed at all costs, sleep will come to your tired body eventually if you remain there. So I followed their advice. Tossing and turning as my growing family slumbers blissfully unaware. My mind turning, drawing, writing letters, stretching, baking, balancing. For five years I have lain here randomly awake (as the sleeplessness strikes erratically) and eventually slipping back into sleep with my loved ones surrounding me. Tonight I wonder if I had it all wrong. There is a certain utility to actually getting up and being productive without the inevitable interruptions that small children bring. And the peacefullness of the early morning is soothing. So to still my mind this early day, I instead chose to get up and look out at the falling snow and write out these errant thoughts while they were freshly baking. And now that they are done, I shall go back to bed. You see, I am truly my mothers daughter, but not so entirely that I cannot learn from her mistakes. Goodnight.