Tonight is promising to be one of those late nights. We (myself and the two little ones) have been at the in-laws for a day and a half, and are planning on going back to the ranch tomorrow. I haven't begun to pack yet, and just barely have things organized. Well, to be honest, I have a list. A list of things I need to remember to take back to the ranch, to be more specific. Unfortunately, said list is also on the same page as my list of things to remember to take TO the in-laws place (thankfully, crossed off). Said list also includes some items to look up on the internet as soon as I have the time (HAHAHA) on this less than 48-hour trip, as well as things to accomplish while I am here. Like completing our taxes. At least I can cross one thing off my list.
The dilemma I have at this point is: Do I succumb to my body saying it is dirt-tired after not sleeping last night (lack of husbands' presence and the cats sleeping on top of me so they would know instantly when I moves thereby being able to ask for petting at every twitch I made). Or do I try to stay up late and collect some of the items on my list, knowing that I don't really have a place to put them yet, and can't really pack the truck up just yet.
Plus, I just noticed that I *really* need to change out my NaBloPoMo icon for something less...dated. It only serves to remind me that I have way too much to do, and I really should focus on the details some time. I also need to order a bunch of seeds to plant, oh, last week. As well as pay some bills. Hard to do with the sketchy internet service we have out there, which amounts to using the little bit I get on my phone. It is a work in progress, for sure.
Speaking of a work in progress, we have running water! Well, *COLD* running water. The hot will take longer to figure out. Trying to hook up the gas to the stove (the stove top works, but the oven doesn't, Boo Hiss) is the next project. Then the electricity. Then maybe the internet. Then maybe the gas heat (by then it will be summer and irrelevant!).
Sigh. I am tired. I think I will just go to bed instead. OH! And one Mama pig had babies. Nine squiggly adorable little porkers. I'll got photos up soon (on that aforementioned list). Mama pig #2 is still holding out..
OK, I am really off to bed this time. Night all!
Showing posts with label frustrations. Show all posts
Showing posts with label frustrations. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Monday, April 2, 2012
Finding A Mountain
I think I mentally started this post a dozen times. So much has been going on the last few months, I feel like it has been a luxury to even contemplate posting, much less actually doing it! I think the main reason I am finally sitting down to post is I just want to get a few things out of my head, and clear my brain cells from some of the clutter.
In January, I took a trip by myself, for the first time in....I don't even know. Certainly BC (Before Children), and probably since early on in my marriage. Hubby and I truly enjoy each others company (even after 15 years of being together!), so there hasn't been a lot of incentive to go on a solo trip. This time was a little different. My folks offered to pay my way to California to have a week-long visit with family (I have quite a few relatives out that way) and to see my grandmother celebrate her 90th birthday.
It was a trip of mixed feelings. It was fun (although slightly stressful having to deal with airport security, etc.) traveling by myself. No kids to chase, no other people to look after but myself. I was sad to leave my family for a week, but it was a good experience. It gave me a much-needed breath of air, and allowed me to have a little time to myself and to see my extended family.
Seeing my grandmother made me feel sad. She is such a vibrant and bright figure in my childhood. She and my great-grandmother were such strong women. They were also both,tragically, rather crazy. I can understand their craziness to some extent was brought about by circumstances out of their control, but it has had lasting repercussions through our family relations. It was actually my husband who helped me forge a renewed relationship with my grandmother several years ago, and I think it was for the best. He told me that even though she was crazy, she was also an old lady and would not be around for much longer. So why not forgive her some of the craziness for the sake of loving your grandmother for her last few years on this earth. Such a smart man.
I felt so sad seeing her. It was almost like visiting with a shadow of herself. Some vague parts of her personality and speech were there, but her soul, her spirit was gone. She has been showing greater signs of Alzheimer's the last few years, and it has robbed her of much of her lively personality. She now lives in a home with 3-4 other residents, and doesn't remember much . I think it is a blessing, actually. She had such a hard life (crazy mother, remember?), and was such a bitch to her daughters (and daughters-in-law, and granddaughters, and probably nieces as well), that it a great irony of life that in her final years she remembers nothing. She didn't even remember me. I feel a little wistful that there was only a vague flicker of recognition, and sad that her memories are gone forever. It would have been interesting to have some written down or recorded.
Oh well.
In the middle of February, we discovered that someone in my in-laws neighborhood (where we have been staying with our animals) didn't like our piggies. They left rat poison in their pen, and some of the dogs got hold of it as well. Luckily, they were all fine, especially our two pregnant (!!!WOOHOO!!!) gilts/sows. So we realized that the universe was AGAIN saying "GET OUT AND MOVE", so we had better take the hint and FIND a way to make things work on land somewhere. After a few advertisements, we found out that people in Colorado were *really* interested in our pigs (especially the piglets to buy), and we found several folks willing to help us out in relocating our animals. One even had a place for us as well (!!), so for the last month or so we have been busily moving our pigs and goats and tidying up the place for human habitation. That is another story all together. Especially the "pig moving" story. Whew!
It is pretty rustic right now (no running water, no heat, spotty electricity, and even more spotty internet and phone service), BUT it is four walls, a roof and a ceiling for us, safety from poisoners for our animals, and hopefully a little more serenity and calm for our little family SOON. We are working very hard on making it so, so please forgive the lapses in posts as we try to work all this out. And keep your fingers and toes crossed that this is the right path the universe is setting us on!
In January, I took a trip by myself, for the first time in....I don't even know. Certainly BC (Before Children), and probably since early on in my marriage. Hubby and I truly enjoy each others company (even after 15 years of being together!), so there hasn't been a lot of incentive to go on a solo trip. This time was a little different. My folks offered to pay my way to California to have a week-long visit with family (I have quite a few relatives out that way) and to see my grandmother celebrate her 90th birthday.
It was a trip of mixed feelings. It was fun (although slightly stressful having to deal with airport security, etc.) traveling by myself. No kids to chase, no other people to look after but myself. I was sad to leave my family for a week, but it was a good experience. It gave me a much-needed breath of air, and allowed me to have a little time to myself and to see my extended family.
Seeing my grandmother made me feel sad. She is such a vibrant and bright figure in my childhood. She and my great-grandmother were such strong women. They were also both,tragically, rather crazy. I can understand their craziness to some extent was brought about by circumstances out of their control, but it has had lasting repercussions through our family relations. It was actually my husband who helped me forge a renewed relationship with my grandmother several years ago, and I think it was for the best. He told me that even though she was crazy, she was also an old lady and would not be around for much longer. So why not forgive her some of the craziness for the sake of loving your grandmother for her last few years on this earth. Such a smart man.
I felt so sad seeing her. It was almost like visiting with a shadow of herself. Some vague parts of her personality and speech were there, but her soul, her spirit was gone. She has been showing greater signs of Alzheimer's the last few years, and it has robbed her of much of her lively personality. She now lives in a home with 3-4 other residents, and doesn't remember much . I think it is a blessing, actually. She had such a hard life (crazy mother, remember?), and was such a bitch to her daughters (and daughters-in-law, and granddaughters, and probably nieces as well), that it a great irony of life that in her final years she remembers nothing. She didn't even remember me. I feel a little wistful that there was only a vague flicker of recognition, and sad that her memories are gone forever. It would have been interesting to have some written down or recorded.
Oh well.
In the middle of February, we discovered that someone in my in-laws neighborhood (where we have been staying with our animals) didn't like our piggies. They left rat poison in their pen, and some of the dogs got hold of it as well. Luckily, they were all fine, especially our two pregnant (!!!WOOHOO!!!) gilts/sows. So we realized that the universe was AGAIN saying "GET OUT AND MOVE", so we had better take the hint and FIND a way to make things work on land somewhere. After a few advertisements, we found out that people in Colorado were *really* interested in our pigs (especially the piglets to buy), and we found several folks willing to help us out in relocating our animals. One even had a place for us as well (!!), so for the last month or so we have been busily moving our pigs and goats and tidying up the place for human habitation. That is another story all together. Especially the "pig moving" story. Whew!
It is pretty rustic right now (no running water, no heat, spotty electricity, and even more spotty internet and phone service), BUT it is four walls, a roof and a ceiling for us, safety from poisoners for our animals, and hopefully a little more serenity and calm for our little family SOON. We are working very hard on making it so, so please forgive the lapses in posts as we try to work all this out. And keep your fingers and toes crossed that this is the right path the universe is setting us on!
Friday, December 9, 2011
A Better Day
I have been trying to think of something to write about all day, and came up with too many options. We actually had a reasonably productive day, and have a plan to come up with an action plan for dealing with the house, life, and everything else. Well, maybe not everything else, that would take far too long and be rather speculative anyway. We had planned to talk while taking the kids for a drive to another city about an hour away from here. The plan was to warm up some ribs for lunch (leftovers from today), and make S'mores over a fire. Our grand plan has been slightly diverted since we discovered the park we were intending to visit doesn't have camp grills like we thought. Hmm. So much for getting out of town. Maybe we will have Plan B (or C or D) in place by morning.
Speaking of mornings, after breakfast today we took a walk as a family down to the river. We really need the exercise, and since Claire needs a LOT of physical input (or her behavior goes downhill and she acts out more) we figured it would be a good start to the day. It had warmed up to a brisk 21 degrees Fahrenheit, so the little people were bundled up nicely. It was probably a mile or so overall, and we didn't stick around long to throw rocks into the river like we usually do. I snapped a few photos; here is one of some ice along the riverbank.
This afternoon I tried taking a few new pictures of our pigs, since they have been growing up fast. They are now about 9 months old, and definitely of breeding age. We originally planned to use another boar (or try AI) for the girls, but we also didn't plan on having them here this long either. So we have to be flexible. We recently expanded their roaming area, which is bounded on several sides by electric wire fence. It gives a pretty good shock (really, ask me how I know!), yet the pigs seem to test it every single day. I wanted to get a good low angle on them, so I was really close to the ground. My piggies however, being the curious sorts they are, were wondering just *What the Heck* I was doing, and kept coming over to investigate. Forgetting all about the fence in the process. When they accidentally touch the fence, they give out a might squeal and run off about 10-15 feet. I am pretty sure all three of them touched the fence while trying to investigate what I was doing. Sigh. Silly piggies. The light was terrible, but here is one photo I have of our boar, Marley.
We also dealt with a long-awaited "Mothra" project that Claire has been asking us to do for her. She has been asking for us to make her a "Mothra" she can fly. It has been a fun project to figure out, and I know the kids willl love it when they are done. I'll try to put up a post or tutorial on it as soon as we finish one, but I have been taking some photos along the way. Today was cutting them out with the scroll saw, and here are some of the templates before being cut out.
Hopefully we can actually cut some stress soon and get out of town for a few days. I am SO looking forward to it!
Speaking of mornings, after breakfast today we took a walk as a family down to the river. We really need the exercise, and since Claire needs a LOT of physical input (or her behavior goes downhill and she acts out more) we figured it would be a good start to the day. It had warmed up to a brisk 21 degrees Fahrenheit, so the little people were bundled up nicely. It was probably a mile or so overall, and we didn't stick around long to throw rocks into the river like we usually do. I snapped a few photos; here is one of some ice along the riverbank.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Frustration Again
I really should change the title of this to "Frustration Still". It isn't as though our (or my) frustration level has changed at all in the last several months. There is so much we need to do, yet we are hampered by the lack of funds to be able to move and store all our stuff in any easy fashion. We don't *want* to stay with the IL's, but we felt like it was a logical stepping stone to finding land and being able to sell our house.
Now, I just don't know anymore. This environment isn't one that I want my kids to grow up in. My FIL is an ass, and has religious and political views I do not share. I don't enjoy my children being exposed to so much hate. The air is terrible around here next to power plants, mines, drilling for oil and fracking everywhere. The whole spirit of this place is toxic, and I feel it dragging our emotional and spiritual selves down.
We started on this journey because we want to have land where we can be self-sufficient, yet we just have so much to get accomplished before we can reach that point, it seems like such an insurmountable task right now. I guess I am feeling depressed about things, and I know it is a feeling shared by the family. We need a break. We need to be able to regroup and figure out a better plan to get out of here and on to a better place. I don't know if we will need to sell all our animals or not. I would feel really sad to, but I know we need to do something different so we can keep moving on to our goals.
Now, I just don't know anymore. This environment isn't one that I want my kids to grow up in. My FIL is an ass, and has religious and political views I do not share. I don't enjoy my children being exposed to so much hate. The air is terrible around here next to power plants, mines, drilling for oil and fracking everywhere. The whole spirit of this place is toxic, and I feel it dragging our emotional and spiritual selves down.
We started on this journey because we want to have land where we can be self-sufficient, yet we just have so much to get accomplished before we can reach that point, it seems like such an insurmountable task right now. I guess I am feeling depressed about things, and I know it is a feeling shared by the family. We need a break. We need to be able to regroup and figure out a better plan to get out of here and on to a better place. I don't know if we will need to sell all our animals or not. I would feel really sad to, but I know we need to do something different so we can keep moving on to our goals.
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