Last night I had this whole post composed in my head, but I felt too sad and tired to post it. Since I have slept a bit since then, all those eloquent words have disappeared like smoke on this windy day. So now I lie here in bed, nursing my 2.5 year old son to sleep for his nap, while the tears roll down into my ears (I always hated that feeling) and my grief remains not fully expressed.
Yesterday I found out that a friend of mine, a mom in our local playgroup, took her own life. I am still feeling so stunned and at a loss for words. I know she had been struggling with being depressed. Less than two years prior she was finally diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, and she was hospitalized briefly last year because of it. Ironically, she was on medication and she and her husband and family were trying to decide if she needed to go to the hospital again. She had support and help to navigate what was going on. She had loving family and friends actively working with and for her. Yet her disease must have left her feeling so overwhelmed that she took her own life rather than continue. I am so sad for her children, husband, family, and other friends they will not have her bright light in their lives anymore. Goodnight Mama, I hope you have found your peace. I will miss you.